I am so... I can't explain it and since there is noone here to talk to I figured I would put it here. I feel like crying and screaming and running until I fall. I feel like I am hitting my hands on a brick wall. I'm bloody, beaten and desperate. But that is all inside. Outside I smile and laugh and tell corny jokes. I listen to the testimonies of my fellow workers about what their god has done in their lives today. I want to tell them that i feel the same way. That my goddess and my god are working so hard in my life. That I feel them everyday. That I talk to them and tell them my problems and that the spells that I do and the rituals I create mean more to me than I will ever be able to tell anyone.
I feel so alone. I feel like I am so alone...I know that all this is is one big complaint but there is noone here to talk to. I harbor no hard feelings against those whose religion is the frontrunner in this country. All I want is to have someone who I can go to when I am bombarded all day. Someone who thinks like me and worships like me.
I do have a supportive husband but he doesn't believe in anything. He loves me and is so happy that I have found something that makes me happier and more balanced than anything else ever did.
Looking back on what I have written I am asking myself if it makes me so happy why am I so mixed up? The problem comes not from my faith and its strength but from the secrecy and the feeling that I have to hide what I believe because I might get fired. Until I got this job I hadn't faced anything like this except from my parents. There have been people who joked about it but they didn't mean anything seeing as they are some of the best friends that I have. But there is NOONE here that believes as I do. None of my friends are Wiccan and none of my friends can understand what I believe.
I guess I am just tired.
Thank you for listening.
Yeah, it is tough being in your position...especially where you are located, fearing the lash of the bible belt. One of the great things about the age we live in though, is the internet. It is easy to find friends who think like you do and who face similar issues and who can relate to and empathize with what you are going through. Maybe not the same as having a friend right there whose eyes you can look into and find compassion and who can squeeze your hand or give you a supportive hug, but it's still pretty good. Much better than suffering in total isolation. On the plus side, you live in a fairly rural area, so nature is all around you, or within easy travel distance. Nature is a good listener also. It can be a wonderful friend. I hope that this helps. You are not alone.
Peace05:37 PM EST