So I am back from Whu and have been for about a week now. I had a ton of fun(hee hee I rhymed!) while i was there and met a bunch of cool people. one of whom i actually told i was wiccan... interestingly enough she didn't care. I was second in the class for about 3 days and then we took a stupid quiz that i wasn't prepared for and i went down to fifth but I stayed there and since i have never been 5th in a class before it was kinda cool, plus i got an award!!!! and it wasnt some dinky thing like valedictorian or something it was a cool award! :) i basically won the popularity contest. which was funny because i made sure that i acted the way i wanted to and tried not to care to much about how everyone thought of me. apparently i should act like that more often because we had to vote on the person we thought was the most honest the most dependable and of course well liked and i won. it was unanimous! which the fact that i won was surprising in itself but that all 18 people voted for me was even more so.

after whu was over i went and stayed with my sister for a couple of days. I recently told her that i was wiccan (i am just bursting out of the broom closet apparently) and she was ok with it. she actually had a book about wicca that she had recently bought.

it was kinda like this,

so your wiccan?

yes

I can see how that would fit you.

alrighty then

and that was the conversation, she did however agree with me that i should never ever under any circumstances tell my parents!!!

anyway while i was staying with her i wanted to go to this store and she was really excited to go with me. so then she told me about this other store that she knew of that she thought i would like so we went there and it was AWESOME!!! it was nice to not have to hide it from her and to be able to talk to her about it.

that is enough for now i can hear the yawns!!!

I have to go to WHU in 2 days. I will spend a week up there completing my management training. I am completely stressed because I have to take all these tests while I am up there in order to make sure that I know everything I am supposed to know in order to take care of my own store. I feel like I don't know anything or at least not the stuff that I am supposed to know and I am completely freaked. I am snapping at my husband which is what I do when i get anxious and thankfully he is completely understanding and just hugs me and plays with my hair and tells me he loves me. I just want to do well and I am terrified that I am not going to do well!!!! Gotta get some sleep sos I can wake up in the morning and start all over again

Blessed Be!

So my friend is fine! She called me a week after I found out and said that she was home and fine. I saw her that night and bawled my eyes out. Her medicine is fixed and she is doing much better. 

I am hating work right now because of all the "office" drama going on between my boss and the boss above her. So stressed! I go to WHU here soon! I am excited and terrified all at the same time. I hope that I do well and that they have a store for me when I am done. I also hope that all this stuff between my bosses works itself out soon. I would hate to deal with all of this once I am a manager and have this stupid woman in my store. Home life is awesome hubby and I are spending quality time together instead of just existing in the same space! 

Spiritually, I am floudering. I am so tired all the time that I can't stay awake long enough to do even the simplest ritual and i can't find the energy to read anything. I am fine health wise so work is just exhausting me. I am working about 60-65 hours a week right now and i feel so off balance. I need to establish some routine that allows me the energy and mental time to meditate or do a small ritual everyday. If anyone has any suggestions I have to be at work by 6:00 everyday and I wake up about 430 every morning in order to get there on time. I am home by about 4 everyday. sometimes earlier sometimes later. I need all the help and advice i can get because I just can't seem to figure this one out! 

A really good friend of mine who I have written about on here just tried to kill herself. She is a sweet loving girl with a lot of problems. She was in the ICU yesterday and she can't have visitors. Please pray for her and send her as much healing as possible. She has a long road ahead of her.

Thank you

Sunwillow

I am so... I can't explain it and since there is noone here to talk to I figured I would put it here. I feel like crying and screaming and running until I fall. I feel like I am hitting my hands on a brick wall. I'm bloody, beaten and desperate. But that is all inside. Outside I smile and laugh and tell corny jokes. I listen to the testimonies of my fellow workers about what their god has done in their lives today. I want to tell them that i feel the same way. That my goddess and my god are working so hard in my life. That I feel them everyday. That I talk to them and tell them my problems and that the spells that I do and the rituals I create mean more to me than I will ever be able to tell anyone.

I feel so alone. I feel like I am so alone...I know that all this is is one big complaint but there is noone here to talk to. I harbor no hard feelings against those whose religion is the frontrunner in this country. All I want is to have someone who I can go to when I am bombarded all day. Someone who thinks like me and worships like me.

I do have a supportive husband but he doesn't believe in anything. He loves me and is so happy that I have found something that makes me happier and more balanced than anything else ever did.

Looking back on what I have written I am asking myself if it makes me so happy why am I so mixed up? The problem comes not from my faith and its strength but from the secrecy and the feeling that I have to hide what I believe because I might get fired. Until I got this job I hadn't faced anything like this except from my parents. There have been people who joked about it but they didn't mean anything seeing as they are some of the best friends that I have. But there is NOONE here that believes as I do. None of my friends are Wiccan and none of my friends can understand what I believe.

I guess I am just tired.

Thank you for listening.