So I have been thinking about it and I am wondering if I would be so upset about this whole thing if it were a straight person. I mean would I think that they were going a little crazy or would I think that they were just a little clingy? Would I want to quit my job if my boss were acting like this and were straight? I mean would I be thinking she was in love with me if she weren't a lesbian? Am I really that self-absorbed? I mean do I think that highly of myself that I think a lesbian that is paying attention to me just has to be in love with me.
Or
Have I been right this entire time and she is in love with me? I just don't know if the way she is acting is what I am perceiving or if it is the way she is actually acting. I am so confused.
Ok so this is a long story but I am going to explode if I don't say something. I work in an independent bookstore and my boss is a lesbian. I honestly have absolutely no problem with anyone from an " alternative lifestyle" , but I am straight. Well, she apparently thinks that the only reason I am having sex with my husband is that I haven't had sex with a woman. She has said this to me word for word. We were friends, well she thinks we still are but we aren't. I took her into my home when her and her partner broke up. I took over the full time position when her other employee quit and it was fine for awhile and then we got a new part-time person. I have written about her before and some of this is just a recap. Well we are really good friends now and spend a lot of time together.Then my boss goes a little crazy, she took me aside and talked to me for 30 minutes about how She thought we were friends but she guesses that the mistake was hers and that she thinks I have been blowing her off (not true) and that I don't want to spend any time with her anymore(True). I spent half of that time telling her she was being crazy and that of course I still liked her (Which at the time I still did). I thought that would be the end of it. BUT NO!!! I realize now that when she came to me for help and asked me to do a spell for her about 4 months ago that I should not have done it. I should have told her I didn't feel comfy doing that and let that be the end of it, but she just kept pushing so I said yes. It was a good spell too. anyway last night she comes in right before I finished closing up the store and puts the crystal I had given her on the counter and asks if I can reuse it. I told her that I prefer to bury mine when I feel the spell has finished. She looked at it for a minute and then throws it into the trash. I felt this really disrespected everything that I had done for her, spell wise and everything else and it made me realize that she just doesn't care at all about anything I have tried to do for her. Then this morning she comes in and asks me to perform another spell for her. Now this just blew me away because she obviously didn't like the first one and she is now begging me to do another one. So I told her no and I told her why. I was very calm and rational about the whole thing and I am very proud of myself as I really wanted to burn the store down around her at this point. But I told her how I felt and then went back to what I had been doing. She said that is just fine then and slams the door to the office/ storage room (which by the way has the only bathroom and litter box available) and locks the door. She kept it locked for 4 hours. Then she comes out and tries to act like nothing happened. She finally realized that I wasn't going to be ok with her acting like a 5 year old (she is about to be 50 years old by the way) and went and bought me some ice cream as a peace offering. This is the part that threw me through the roof. she said do you forgive me? I told her yes and she said cause I can't have you mad and even if you aren't mad I just can't have you. I am so tired of her coming on to me. I am married and deeply devoted to my husband and she knows that. She knows my husband obviously since she lived with us for 3 months. now I need to know if I am overreacting or did she really overstep the bounds??
It really sucks when you are surrounded by books and none of them look interesting. I mean they do, but hmm... Maybe I am just not interested in reading right now. Bored Bored Bored. There is a store in Vidalia that I am looking forward to visiting. I also have a new friend who is interested in learning about Wicca. YAY Someone to talk to about all the things that I am learning and someone to throw around ideas and have tell me that will not work. She isn't sure if she wants to convert so to speak but she is learning about it. I just like having someone talk to me about it. My husband is supportive of my choice but thinks it is all ridiculous. then again he thinks christianity and muslims are ridiculous to so he is an equal opportunity ridiculer. Anyway I am at work now so i have to go there are customers to attend to!
Literally. I think somehow I have pinched a nerve in my neck. It hurts so bad! Nothing makes it better. I don't know how to make it go away!!
Ona brighter note. I have decided on a terrifying path for my life. To explain I will have to tell you a very sad story. There is a store here, that is owned and operated by a wonderful woman. I have always loved going in there. She turned me onto the incense that I use for everything. She provided me with my first wicca books, she provided all of my candles and many other little odds and ends over the last three years. She also provided me with dove chocolates over the years. back to the story.I went in yesterday to look around because i hadnt been in for awhile and the place was practically empty. everything was 50% off and the shelves were next to bare! You guessed it. She was closing the store. I cried and then bought 50 dollars worth of merchandise. Then I was walking out and it hit me. Statesboro will not have a pagan store with her leaving. Now we have to go to savannah. I went today and the store isnt bad but it isnt amazing either. the people were really nice though. But it is 45 minutes to get there at the least !!! So what was my great and frightening idea??? Open my own store. Yes I know you aren't suprised!! You saw it coming just from the story! Im terrified but not only will this not be something that happens soon, it is not going to be far from my mind! Color me terrified!
Lately I have been feeling like something is missing, or that I am missing something. I am not sure what it is, but it is frustrating me. I feel like I keep forgetting to do something, or that I am constantly looking for something. I just wish I could figure out what it is already
On a brighter note there is a new store that opened in Savannah and Saturday my husband who is not a pagan but is extremely supportive in my search for my path is taking me up there. I am hoping to spend my entire paycheck while I am there but who knows. It looks kinda tiny, but it is the only pagan store in Savannah so I will take my chances.
On another note and this really goes in another category, but I am a very bad vegetarian!! I eat meat all the time now. I haven't had a salad in a very long time and so tomorrow I am getting back on the wagon. I am going to go get groceries and make sure that everything I get goes with a meal that I am going to prepare this week. I am excited and getting an ulcer all at the same time. I like meat, love it even. I hate vegetables. Hate Them. I have to force myself to eat them and it can take me 2 hours to eat a salad, which is the only thing I have found that I can eat!! I don't know what to do. THis is something I feel is right but it is really hard to do all at the same time.
Then there is my work situation, the woman who is living with us got into a huge fight with the other employee that works at the store. The other girl who we will call marge for the sake of not having to write the other girl for every reference, said that she couldn't wait to find another job. When boss lady asked marge if she was going to quit marge said as soon as she found another job. Oh this is after what was possibly 20 minutes of other fights! So boss lady told marge to go home for the day and she would even pay her for the time off and to find a lawyer (sexual harrassment was mentioned) or another job if that was what she was going to do. So then I get called, and asked that if Marge left would i be interested in taking over her full time position with a 2,00 an hour raise and more responsibility. I said yes that I would love to as long as it didn't interfere with my search for a more permanent job in my field or my work with the local city job that I have on the side. she said that was fine. So if Marge found another job I am going to be doing much better for myself. My husband will be happy!!!
I think that is all for no. Sorry this is so long!
Oh not all. Lately I have been nauseous, dizzy, shaky (on the inside not visibly) and exhausted. Not sure why. Before you ask. No I am not pregnant. I checked. If anyone knows anything please let me know!
