Literally. I think somehow I have pinched a nerve in my neck. It hurts so bad! Nothing makes it better. I don't know how to make it go away!!
Ona brighter note. I have decided on a terrifying path for my life. To explain I will have to tell you a very sad story. There is a store here, that is owned and operated by a wonderful woman. I have always loved going in there. She turned me onto the incense that I use for everything. She provided me with my first wicca books, she provided all of my candles and many other little odds and ends over the last three years. She also provided me with dove chocolates over the years. back to the story.I went in yesterday to look around because i hadnt been in for awhile and the place was practically empty. everything was 50% off and the shelves were next to bare! You guessed it. She was closing the store. I cried and then bought 50 dollars worth of merchandise. Then I was walking out and it hit me. Statesboro will not have a pagan store with her leaving. Now we have to go to savannah. I went today and the store isnt bad but it isnt amazing either. the people were really nice though. But it is 45 minutes to get there at the least !!! So what was my great and frightening idea??? Open my own store. Yes I know you aren't suprised!! You saw it coming just from the story! Im terrified but not only will this not be something that happens soon, it is not going to be far from my mind! Color me terrified!
Lately I have been feeling like something is missing, or that I am missing something. I am not sure what it is, but it is frustrating me. I feel like I keep forgetting to do something, or that I am constantly looking for something. I just wish I could figure out what it is already
On a brighter note there is a new store that opened in Savannah and Saturday my husband who is not a pagan but is extremely supportive in my search for my path is taking me up there. I am hoping to spend my entire paycheck while I am there but who knows. It looks kinda tiny, but it is the only pagan store in Savannah so I will take my chances.
On another note and this really goes in another category, but I am a very bad vegetarian!! I eat meat all the time now. I haven't had a salad in a very long time and so tomorrow I am getting back on the wagon. I am going to go get groceries and make sure that everything I get goes with a meal that I am going to prepare this week. I am excited and getting an ulcer all at the same time. I like meat, love it even. I hate vegetables. Hate Them. I have to force myself to eat them and it can take me 2 hours to eat a salad, which is the only thing I have found that I can eat!! I don't know what to do. THis is something I feel is right but it is really hard to do all at the same time.
Then there is my work situation, the woman who is living with us got into a huge fight with the other employee that works at the store. The other girl who we will call marge for the sake of not having to write the other girl for every reference, said that she couldn't wait to find another job. When boss lady asked marge if she was going to quit marge said as soon as she found another job. Oh this is after what was possibly 20 minutes of other fights! So boss lady told marge to go home for the day and she would even pay her for the time off and to find a lawyer (sexual harrassment was mentioned) or another job if that was what she was going to do. So then I get called, and asked that if Marge left would i be interested in taking over her full time position with a 2,00 an hour raise and more responsibility. I said yes that I would love to as long as it didn't interfere with my search for a more permanent job in my field or my work with the local city job that I have on the side. she said that was fine. So if Marge found another job I am going to be doing much better for myself. My husband will be happy!!!
I think that is all for no. Sorry this is so long!
Oh not all. Lately I have been nauseous, dizzy, shaky (on the inside not visibly) and exhausted. Not sure why. Before you ask. No I am not pregnant. I checked. If anyone knows anything please let me know!
This is probably the worst poetry ever but this topic is weighing heavily on my mind right now. I share everything with my mother and for two years the biggest event in my life has been a secret that I can't tell my best friend. She and my father are deep southern Baptist people, very devout, and they would disown me if they were ever to find out about my beliefs. I love them very much and right now I can't see putting all of us through the pain that would be inevitable, but I hate the lying and the secrecy. So this is my attempt at horrible poety! I would say enjoy, but even I think it is bad
So things are very odd around here lately. My roommate is still here but she is sleeping with her ex. I bought a ton of plants for the backporch and enjoyed a day just rooting around in the dirt. I got some bougainvillea, some jasmine, a gorgeous rosebush and two bunches of lavendar since i have had no lunch growing them on my own. In my altar room i have all of my herbs growing from seeds and I also bought this vine called moonflower. it has these huge white flowers that look like sand dollars. On an annoying note we have carpenter bees all over the house (outside) and I have to spend about 200-300 dollars to get rid of them. So frustrating. I love working at the bookstore though since I get to order all of the new age books for the section. We just got a shipment in the other day and I about peed on myself from all the excitement! I wanted to buy about half of the ones that we got in. I am trying to branch out and read things that aren't so basic. So I have branched out into specialty books. I know all of this sounds so odd but I like to learn as much as I can about as much as I can. I still read all the 101 books so I can keep up with anything new anyone has to say, I am getting a little annoyed though because everything is the same.
Today was wonderful! I got up thinking that I needed to go to work but with this job I can decide that I don't feel like going in today and not go in. I don't have set hours and as long as I get my work done he doesn't worry about it. I was laying there hating the idea of going in and working on such a beautiful day and I realize that I can get everything done that I need to do tomorrow. So then I realized that today was Ostara. I was so excited that I went out and collected plants and branches from my favorite trees. I decorated my altar and enjoyed every moment of the day. After I finished, I got a call from a friend who wanted to go out to lunch Then I got my hair cut and then the piece de resistance, I went to Lowe's and stocked up on flowering plants. I got a rosebush, some bougainvillea, some butterscotch Jasmine, and some lavender. I love all of those plants but I especially love the Jasmine which grows all around my house. Now I will have it on my back porch anytime I want it!! Now I am going to be to sleep the sleep of the recently relaxed!
Happy Ostara everyone and enjoy the full moon tomorrow!
